Yesterday was day one of our trip.
Day One went as I expected, but always don’t want to expect. I get nice and nauseous when running on zero to four hours of sleep, and thought that I might still be in the clear when in the middle of the hike up a long winding path at the Temple of Apollos, I had to stop.
Rewinding a bit, we have memory verses to recite while we are here. Mine have mainly dialogue as found in Acts 18, but James’ have been some of the verses that we as Christians love to throw out the most.
In order to memorize these verses, he would say them over and over again out loud, as well as write them out and have me double check where he stumbled and needed a word. For my brain, this meant that these verses also got stuck in my head.
When the thirty-some people who are also along this trip with us took notice of my illness, my weakness, they did what good communities do: they asked how they could help. There are few things in this world I dislike doing, like cooking dinner or doing cardio of any sort, however, receiving help is probably number one on that list. So as I was telling everyone that I was OK, swinging off the many suggestions of what I should do for my nausea, James’ verses came into my head.
Why am I not okay with being weak?
I felt such guilt for having the attention focused in on me. James had to carry my bag, making his load twice as hard, and the group had to go slower. I felt like a failure to not only myself, but my husband, and the rest of the team with me. I felt like a burden on everyone, sucking the life out of those who are already exhausted from the heat of the summer sun beating down upon them.
I am very keenly aware that this points to an area in which I do not practice what I preach.
Christ is in the business of redeeming and restoring, but most times what that means is being brought low, to the end of yourself. When you live your life actively receiving His grace, preaching to yourself the truth and power of the gospel, humility is easy. When you know that all you need is need, your eyes can be open to the fact that only He can come in and fix what is broken.
Why am I not okay with being human?
Jackie Hill Perry recently tweeted this:
Taking a nice long nap on our way to Athens from Delphi was incredibly helpful for my stomach issues, and as I write, I’m nervous but excited for Day Two. Yet, if yesterday reminded me of anything, even this youthful body will fail me. I need Christ to come in and help save what I am both aware of being broken, as well as what I am not. My prayer for our time overseas is just that I would listen, and adding from yesterday, that I would also humbly receive.